Insatiable Hunger... Temporarily Satisfied

It was back in time... I can’t tell you where exactly, but I saw myself as though I was on the side of the Road to Damascus or somewhere. The sun was suspended somewhere back and behind me to the right, and it appeared to be late morning or early afternoon. Expectancy and anticipation hung in the air. The atmosphere was like a tangible, insatiable hunger that had to be fed.

Word had gotten out, and throngs of people began gathering in a cluster, that begat another cluster, that begat another cluster. Again and again, one after another, the numbers of the assembly grew. Each member was hoping to catch an opportunity to see Him, close-up, in the living flesh of Glory.

Yes, it was Him indeed... He, the One who was the awaited Messiah, was coming towards the multitude that was gathering.

I glanced, longingly, to catch a glimpse of His face as He was walking closer. Would He look like I had imagined? Would He smile, or look my way?

The heads bobbled back-and-forth in front of me, as all of them struggled to catch their own glimpse of the One who delivered people from demons, and did great miracles all in the Name of God.

There were others with him. Two, or maybe it was three, walked just a step or two in front of Him. They, like Him, were sandal-footed, and small puffs of dust were being raised from the dry soil with each step that they took.

His friends were smiling and glancing back at Him, ever mindful of the need to protect Him, should the crowd press in too closely. Their dark curls peeked out from underneath the coverings over their heads, and their faces were clearly impressed upon my heart. They were having a wonderful time with Him, and were enchanted with the penchant in the hearts of people, to adore Him in the place of His Presence.

I stretched higher on my tip-toes to see over the heads that now moved from side to side blocking my sight-line. I was no longer able to see over these ones that stood in front of me, and all I knew, was that I had to see Him...and I desperately began seeking fresh openings between the moving masses of hair and head coverings...

But, it was to no avail.

The whole situation for me, almost felt hopeless. He was known for finding the ones who were least likely. So, possibly there would be hope even for me. Even behind the throngs of people, He would notice if His Father noticed... or if the power had gone out from Him.

I too, had heard of the woman with the issue of blood – she had touched the hem of His garment. She had crawled between the feet of the ones who had gathered. There in her desperation, she had allowed nothing to stop her.

She knew He was the One. He was her only hope. No longer would she be a woman who wore a name of shame. It was insatiable hunger... and it drove her to it. She found a way... and now, so would I.

I caught a fleeting flash... mostly of the back right side of his head, going past, and out in front of me.

I had to see Him, and I caught myself slowly lowering myself to the ground, like she had done, and I too began crawling. The dust was now thick from the bare feet and sandals that stirred on the earthen surface below my knees, and I momentarily held by breath, and squinted for the sake and protection of both my extremities and my eyesight.

I would have had to presume that He didn’t know that I was there... but then again, maybe He did. The murmuring and blurred sounds of the crowd were disappearing somewhere off into the back, and over my head, as they continued shuffling off, and following behind Him.

My knees were clamping down on the lower half of the beige garment that I wore. It slowed down any possible speed in terms of progress. The head covering was now dangling and blocking the vista that could possibly lay before me. Frustratingly, within my haste to break free from them, I was continually being forced to pull my fingers out from underneath the feet of the dispursing mass of "Followers" – all to spare any possible breakage of the very hands that guided me. The tops of my feet were now dragging over the small pebbles behind me, and I winced with the pain.

Finally, the thinning crowd in my area had dispersed enough for me to see, and I was able to come out and from around them. I wanted to jump to my feet, and see Him... but, alas, it was too late. All I could see was the back of them.

Sigh.... The crowd was starting to move in tighter behind them, once again obstructing my view, and now there was no longer any chance of seeing Him.

Really, I had not even dreamed of touching Him. I merely wanted to see Him; that was all, and it would have been enough for me. My head hung in disappointment, but my heart held onto its desperation. It was insatiable hunger.

Then it happened...

Suddenly, instinctively.... I began grabbing and clenching the handfuls of fine sand that His feet had walked upon. Perhaps, to the others, if they had even noticed me, I would have appeared to be a desperate, crazy woman who was grabbing sand from the street...but they didn’t understand.

I had touched-not the hem of his garment, because I had no access to it, but I was able to hold what He, Himself, had touched. Some may have thought that might have been settling for second best... but to me, it was the very best.

After all, it made perfect sense to me, that if power went out from Him when she touched the tassels of his robe, then surely the sand would carry the power of His presence where He had stepped. It was the next best thing... it was within my grasp... and it met my need.

I would hold onto it with all I had. It was tangible, it was a memory, it was power, I could take it home, and now, it was mine. I would carry it with me like precious cargo, to a place where I could safely store it. Perhaps, it could be a vessel of some sort, that could I could set in a place of honour upon my mantel. Yes... that would do nicely, for now.

Little did I understand in that moment, it was what I would carry in my heart, that would outlast it all. I had experienced insatiable hunger... and I would only be temporarily satisfied.

With an incredible jarring sensation, I was suddenly removed from the indwelling vision of where I had travelled, to my place of physical reality...

A place of insatiable hunger... temporarily satisfied.

© Brenda Lois Crowe, December 28, 2008
All Rights Reserved.